My Immortal Commentary
by AlwynneaRune
Summary: I comment on the atrocity that is My Immortal while attempting to keep all of the brain cells I currently have. SPOILER ALERT: I fail. I've lost most of my brain cells.
1. Chapter 1

Actual story (horrible as it is) – regular font

My commentary – **bold**

Enjoy! ^-^

Chapter 1.

AN: Special fangz **Oh dear god, let's end this now.** (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!

**Few things I wanna say about these four horrible sentences:**

**Never say "fangz" or "goffik." It makes you, as Tara would say, a prep or a poser.**

**What is wrong with gay or lesbian people?**

"**Bloodytearz666." That means "Idiot, idiot, 666" in English. You know, that language Tara's failing at using?**

**This Raven/bloodytearz666 did a HORRIBLE job at helping "wif da story and spelling." But hey, at least she spelled "spelling" right!**

**Who the bloody hell is Justin?**

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way **Are you sure it's not Mary fuckin' Sue? **and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) **You were born with hair? Fascinating. Lots of babies are born bald. But you're just that special.** with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). **Damn me for knowing who she is! And damn you for your incredibly long run on sentence. Ever hear of punctuation?** I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.** THAT'S not incest!** I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. **Once again, you're just that special, aren't you?** I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). **Hey! You know simple math!** I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) **You must be one of those goth posers I met in Florida that made fun of me for having bushy hair and wearing a lot of black! **and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. **…I'm ashamed that I love that store.** For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. **Oh. My. God.** I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, **Wait, if you have "pale white skin," why are you wearing foundation?** black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining **To quote ****nano**-**desu13****, the apocalypse is nigh! **so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. **Aren't you the nicest goth bitch ever?**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy! **WHY ARE YOU FRIENDS WITH HER?**

"What's up Draco?" I asked. **WHY AREN'T YOU WALKING AWAY?**

"Nothing." he said shyly. **STOP BEING SHY! YOU'RE NOT SHY!**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **BEST. ENDING. EVER.**

AN: IS it good? **No. **PLZ tell me fangz! **WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT "FANGZ?"**


	2. Chapter 2

Actual story (horrible as it is) – regular font

My commentary –**bold**

I'm pretty sure Microsoft Word hates me for all the spelling errors Ebony's made. So to make it happy, here's a special message to my precious laptop: I love you, lappitytop! Teehee. Enjoy~!

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz **WHAT DID I SAY?** 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! **Nice try, but no. And I'm really not sorry.**

**Oh, how clever! You thought your Born Again Christian readers/flaming preps wouldn't notice your little reference to Satanism! Guess what? They did. Hehhehheh. Flaming preps. **

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. **THE APOCALYPSE IS STILL NIGH!** I opened the door of my coffin **Omg ur liek sooo goffik.** and drank some blood **SOOOOOO goffik.** from a bottle I had. **Who keeps bottles of blood at hand?** My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. **Omg pink is sooooo not goffik**. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. **Fangirl~!** Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears **If you're putting in earrings, of course they're pierced. IDIOT**. , and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) **Good to know.** woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. ** Beautiful coordination! I wanna be a coordinated slut like Willow when I grow up!** She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing. **OMFG, who cares?**

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me. **Oh, for the love of god, WALK AWAY DRAKY!**

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **Oh, you soooo don't like Draco.**

"Guess what." he said. **I hate to be a grammar nazi, but shouldn't there be a question mark? "Guess what" is a question, not a statement. Jesus, can someone bring her back to her 2****nd**** grade teacher so she can learn all about the wonders of the English language? **

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. **What the bloody fucking hell is a muggle band doing in Hogsmeade?**

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. **Anyone else notice that she's never told us who MCR actually is? I mean, I know who they are, but still. What if there's another MCR out there?**

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped. **Yeah, not very gasp-worthy. Well, I guess the Slytherin Ice Prince, sex god that he is, did just ask you on a date, but just say yes and go back to explaining your outfits at length and being "goffik."**


	3. Chapter 3

Actual story (horrible as it is) – regular font

My commentary – **bold**

Enjoy the horribleness!

Chapter 3.

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! **"Flamming" isn't a word, Tara.** odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! **Thanks, idiot friend of Tara who created multiple accounts to give her good "reveiws!"** FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte. **She loves em so much, she doesn't even spell their name right. **

**Where's the "666"'s? They were my buddies! **

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. **And blah blah blah *singing* I'm a little Mary Sue, anorexic and loud! My boobs are head sized and I'm goffik and proud! **I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. **Woah woah woah WHAT?** I read a depressing book **I bet you're reading ****Twilight****. **while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. **Of course.** I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. **…but you put some on last chapter! I mean – I don't – my head hurts.** I drank some human blood **Again with the blood?** so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. **What. The. Fuck?** He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).** A. That's not OOC AT ALL and B. Aww look at the pretty girl with the make up! **

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. **That doesn't sound very depressed to me.**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz ** You could've just apparated there. Wait, where the hell did he get the space to store a CAR?** (the license plate said 666 **Of course.** ) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. **LEAVE. MR. MANSON. ALONE! **We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. **Methinks you mean pot. You can't smoke, I dunno, heroin or drugs like that. Can we get this girl in a drug ed course?** When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte. **You can't really mosh to Good Charlotte. Oh hey, you spelled their name right this time!**

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood **Eeeeew.**  
>They're all so happy you've arrived<br>The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom  
>She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song). <strong>I didn't think you did. For starters, you can't write or spell as well as whoever posted the lyrics on the site you pulled em from. <strong>

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club** There are clubs in Hogsmeade? Damn, I forgot how much them Hogwarts students like to party!** with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad. **Sad Draco is sad and sexy.**

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on. **So smart. **

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said. **By all means, do like him better than Draco.**

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. **Never describe someone's actions with "all [insert whatever here]" or I'll maim you. And Ebony, get your bitch ass away from Draco!**

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **If you hate her so much, stop thinking of her face. ****  
><strong>  
>The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. <strong>Poor Benji and Joel. <strong>We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts **You think he'd be dying to leave.**, instead he drove the car into…** I love you, unnecessary periods/ellipses! **the Forbidden Forest!** Isn't that place, you know, forbidden? Oooooooh, you're gonna get in trouble!**


	4. Chapter 4

Actual story (horrible as it is) – regular font

My commentary – **bold**

Few notes:

1. Sexy sex scene ahead! Prepare your trashcans if you have a weak stomach!

2. I'm not in the best mood, so I'm being extra bitchy and cursing a lot. Sorry I have a horrible temper. Enjoy anyway!

3. So whenever Tara's tributes to Satanism are entered, they don't actually show up. I'm gonna play around with spacing to see if they do show up (don't want to lose parts of the story ;) )

Chapter 4.

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su OK! **Okay, you heard the illiterate being! Ebony's name is Enoby, not Mary Sue. Since that's bullshit and Tara can't spell, her name's Enoby Sue. **DRACO IS SOO IN LUV **NO, HE'S IN LOVE WITH HARRY, DAMMIT! **wif her dat he is acting defrent! **Not possible.** dey nu eechodder b4 ok!**...So they knew every otter in the world before they met? That's what I got out of it, that's what it shall be.**

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX6 6 6XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" **Umm…*scrollscrollscroll* He's in the Forbidden Forest, so maybe hhe's trying to get you expelled? Or better yet killed? Ooooh, let's hope for the best!**

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, **Falling to your death.**curiously.

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped. **Nice way to to act towards someone you "luv."**

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness **THEY'RE CONTACTS, YOU DUMB BITCH!** and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **Okay then.**

And then… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. **…Wait, what?** Draco climbed on top of me **To punch your face in?** and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. **Oh. My. God. 'S long as you keep your leather panties on, I'm fine. **Then he put his thingie **In this case, his fist. **into my you-know-what **In this case, her face. **and we did it for the first time. **YOU WHAT?**

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. **…Eeeeeeewwww…! **We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. **Eeeeeeeeew! **And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" **Well, Draco's being raped, so get the SVU in here to arrest her. This can't possibly be consentual.**

It was….Dumbledore! **NO! Okay, no! Just no! You can ruin Draco, you can ruin Hogwarts students in general, but ruining Dumbles just crosses that line! I'm gonna draw pictures of you and kill them.**

**BAD TARA! NO!**

Sorry bout my temper, folks! I'll control it better next time!


	5. Chapter 5

Actual story (horrible as it is) – regular font

My commentary – **bold**

I'm sick, so I may update a couple of chapters. Think of it as an early birthday present.

Enjoy! ^-^

Chapter 5.

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache **Wait, what?** Ok **No, not okay! At all!** an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! **Oh my fucking god, Tara? Take your "story" and paste it into Microsoft Word. You see that little book at the bottom of your screen with the red X through it? That's telling you that there's a spelling error, or many spelling errors, in your case. FIX THEM. **PS im nut updating **THANK YOU!** umtil I get five good revoiws! **Pssh. That's not happening.**

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX6 6 6XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX **Yay, the 666s are showing again! Feeeeeell the blasphemy! **_**Feel it!**_

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted. **…BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. **You should go see a doctor about that.** Draco comforted me. **Stop that, Draco.** When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry. **Of course they are. Would you be happy if you were woken up in the middle of the night – I assume this concert's not over early – to deal with a Mary Sue?**

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces **WIN. **?" asked Professor McGonagall.

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!" **I dunno whether to laugh or cry, so I'ma laugh. !**

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." **THAT'S not OOC AT ALL!**

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. **Ooooh, look at the rebel! You're such a rebel, lying to people all the time. **I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. **I've got two statements for this:  
>1. I don't know about anyone else, but when I sleep, I wear sweatpants and a t-shirt.<br>2. Where's she going in her dreams that she needs to look fancy?**When I came out…. **Oh god, stop with the ellipses.**

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing **Draco only sings in AVPM/AVPS! **'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room. **And we're all glad he did.**


	6. Chapter 6

Actual story – regular font  
>My commentary – <strong>bold<br>**I'm getting super frustrated with Tara and Ebony/Enoby/Mary Sue/Whatever, so I'm a little more verbally abusive than usual. Enjoy my anger!  
>Chapter 6.<p>

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows! **It's hard to give you good reviews if I can barely understand what you're saying.**

**Hi buddies!**

The next day I woke up in my coffin. **Still with this coffin thing?** I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple. **…Really? So you used actual paint instead of colored hairspray? That sounds bad for your health, but paint is fairly flammable, so that gives you a chance of catching on fire. Carry on then.**

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula **SOOOOOOO GOFFIK!** cereal with blood instead of milk **Eeeeeeeeeeeeew.**, and a glass of red blood. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. **My Immortal: Because being goffik means you can do whatever the fuck you want**. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. **That doesn't make sense…My brain hurts!** He didn't have glasses anymore **How do you know that he wore glasses before? **and now he was wearing red contact lenses **Once again, how do you know that? Maybe, just maybe, his eyes are naturally red! Or they're bleeding! **just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. **I really hope I don't have to say this again, but HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW THAT?** He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. **Isn't Hogwarts in England? Most people will have an English accent.** He looked exactly like Joel Madden. **Oh the magic of plastic surgery.** He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection **Wait, what?** only I'm a girl **Obviously.** so I didn't get one you sicko. **You said it, not me. So you're the sicko, sicko.**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice. **WHY THE FUCK IS HARRY SHY?**

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire **WHY?** these days." he grumbled. **Someone's grumpy! Are you grumpy, Harry?**

"Why?" I exclaimed. **"Why" is a question word, Tara. Get your ass back in a grammar class.**

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled. **He…giggled. Oh dear god. Someone please shoot me.**

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered.

"Yeah." I roared. **!**

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him. **I really don't have anything to say for this…Sorry. Oh wait, yes I do! I'm gonna start planning to kill Tara! Anyone with me?**


	7. Insert Overused Evanescence Title

Actual Story – Regular font  
>My commentary – <strong>bold<strong>  
>No notes this time, really. Enjoy!<p>

Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life **OH MY GOD NO. Okay, here's the thing, I love Evanescence. Love love love love love them. I can get over the fact that this whole story is named after one of their songs **– ** I honestly don't like "My Immortal" that much anyway **– ** but when yet another part of this shitty excuse for fanfiction is named after an Evanescence song, I start to get pissed off.**

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. **I **_**highly**_** doubt that god reviewed you.** n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! **Psssssshhhh. That's NEVER gonna happen.** STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony **Ebony, Enoby, Mary Sue, damn. This girl's got a lot of names.** isn't a Marie Sue **I better go add Marie Sue to that list. **ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! **BWAHAHAHAHAHA!** n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake! **Depression is one of the signs of Mary Sue-ism.**

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX6 6 6XXXXXXXXXZXXXXXXXXXXXXX **Who wants to play find the Z?**

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. **Aww. They got their nails done together! Kawaiiest kuple evar guiz!111** I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). **Your nail polish changed color? Then yes, it's very Mary Sueish!** I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. **…Contacts.** I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then… **Oh god.**

We started frenching passively **The sad thing is I can picture them calmly making out. Wow.** and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. **Woah. Mood swings.** He felt me up before I took of my top. **He already took "of" your clothes.** Then I took off my black leather bra **That sounds uncomfortable. Especially if it gets wet. Wet leather sticks to your skin and its reeeally uncomfortable. **and he took off his pants. **Oh Jesus Christ.** We went on the bed and started making out naked ***gags*** and then he put his boy's thingy in mine **You have a boy thingy? I thought only boys had those.** and we HAD SEX. **No need to shout!** (c is dat stupid?) **Yes. Very.**

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm ***gags* **when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. **You had sex with him before. How did you not notice that?** It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Vampire! **YES! DRARRY!**  
>I was so angry. <strong>That is SO descriptive.<strong>

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much. **BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You dumbass, you don't know anything.**

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" **Oh, yeah, cuz every gay/bi person has AIDs. Tara, you're not just stupid, you're a bitch. Piss off.**

I put on my clothes all huffily **What did I say about "all"? **and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. **Oooooooh! Let's go look! **He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. **How do you NOT care when one of the sexiest guys EVER is in front of you?** I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people. **You mean students?**

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled. **WIN! I'ma go scream that at random people now.**


	8. Chapter 8

By now, ya'll know the drill. Enjoy!

Chapter 8.

AN: stop flassing **Whut? **ok! if u do den u r a prep!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX6 6 6XXXXXXXXXXX **Aww, no Z.**

Everyone in the class stared at me **No duh.** and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked **YESSSSSH. **and started begging me to take him back. **You broke up? Yesh! Harry/ Vampire, hurry up and kidnap Draky!**

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly. **Because of all the time I've read this in to my friends so many times in which everyone has an accent, every single time I read this line, Draco has a cowboy voice. "Ehbownay, it's nawt wat yewwwww thaaaaank!" Yep. That's what I hear.**

My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. **Who the bloody hell's this? **She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair **Sue.** and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. **Sue.** She had pale white skin **Mary Sue!** that she was wearing white makeup on. Hermione **Wait, whut?** was kidnapped when she was born. **Oh no.** Her real parents are vampires **No no no. **and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother **No…** and her father committed suicide because he was depressed **No!** about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. **NO! **It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. **Oh Jesus Christ no!** (Since she has converted to Satanism **NO!**she is in Slytherin **NO!** now not Griffindoor. ) **FUCK YOU, TARA! FUCK YOU! I LOVE MIONE! FUCK. YOU!**

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him. **LAWWWWWWWLZ. Whenever I hear this line, Snape's got an Indian accent. Dunno how to phonetically spell an Indian accent, so imagine Apu from "The Simpsons" reading it.**

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him. **Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So now she's secretly dating Harry?**

Everyone gasped. ***facepalm***

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. **WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?** I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) for a while but then he broke my heart. **Oh now I get it. This is Draky. Okay then. **He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, ***epic facepalm*** and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.) **Haha, like anyone but a prep would. Siriusly, I'm still confused.**

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" **Pewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww BOOOOOOM! Hear that? That was the F Bomb, and it just got dropped, bitches! **I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility **I KNEW ENOBY WAS A MAN! KNEW IT KNEW IT KNEW IT!** to Draco and then I started to bust** Hehe.** into tears.


	9. Chapter 9

My Immortal Commentary

Tara's Piece of Shit Story - Regular font  
>My Commentary - <strong>bold<strong>  
>Enjoy!<p>

Chapter 9.

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! **OH. MY. CUCUMBER. GREEN. CRAYOLA. CRAYONS. NO DUH.** dis is frum da movie **What movie are you watching?** ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! **Yes it is.** besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! **OKAY WHY ARE WE YELLING?** and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! ** Oh wow. ** MCR ROX!

**Dammit. I want the Z! **

I was so mad and sad. So **descriptive. ** I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. **YOU IDIOT.** I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco. **EWWWWWWWWWWW.**

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything **What counts as "everything"?** started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemortin the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. ***facepalm* ** It was… **Who is it? WHO? The suspense is killing me!** Voldemort! **You made that painfully obvious. **

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.

"Crookshanks!" **** I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped. **Oh my god...I'm laughing so hard I can't breathe. **

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" **VOLDEMORT IS NOT SHAKESPEARIAN. **

I thought about Vampire and his sexah **I hate you. ** eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? **OH MY FUCKING GOD.**

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.

Voldemort gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged. **Idiot. Kill him and run away. Or is he too sexah to kill? **

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!"

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. "I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly. **I take it back. I love your stupidity. **"And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came **Ewwwww. ** into the woods.

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way. **No, I don't get it. That doesn't make any sense at all. When I first read that, I had to draw a pentagram on a table and get my friends to tell me what it meant. We eventually figured out that it was "a cross between Joel Madden and Gerard Way" for idiotic Satanists. No offense to smart Satanists. **

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." he answered.

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled. **If you've been expelled, which is what I hope you meant by saying that, then shouldn't you get out of here? End this shitfic now. Kthanxbai. **

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. **That sounds difficult.**


	10. Chapter 10

Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've been busy. Hell, I just didn't really feel like updating. I'ma be updating more now! Dadaaaaa! Also, I am soooooooooooo tired, it's not even funny, so this may sound like I'm on crack.

Chapter 10.

AN: stup it u gay fags **I hate you so much, it's not even funny.** if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! **God, I wish I could.** ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok! ***epic facepalm***

***sobs* I missums my Z! Oh, waity wait wait! I read that in a Fruits Basket fanfic once and I dunno the name! Yuki and Haru were in love, Haru was kidnaps by fangirls, Akii and Gure were wearing Hello Kitty boxers, and Akii had a secret weed stash. If anyone tells me the name of that, I will cry tears of golden joy and you will get a special drawing of whatever you want. Except dicks. I won't draw those.**

I was really scared about Vlodemort all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. **Mary Sue band!** I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. **Of course you do. Lotsa times, people who are in a band want to be the lead singer or lead guitarist because they're attention whores.** People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. **So poser shit metal? **The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo now. **No fucking way. YOU TOOK RONNIE THE EFFIN' BEAR? FUCK YOU, TARA! FUCK YOU! **He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) and Hargrid. **Six person band. B'loody Mary's probably the drummer, Vampire's the rhythm guitarist, Draco's the bassist, Ron's the keyboardist, and Hargrid – and I think Hargrid is Hagrid – play the triangle.** Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists **Wow, you really are the greatest girlfriend ever. Isn't she? I would love to be her – *gags* no, I can't do it.**(he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too** SERIOUSLY? WHY?** and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) **But you wrote it and wore it in Chapter Six!** or a steak) **WIN.** and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. **Normally I'd say something like "That's not depressing, you dumb slag," but honestly? My cousin – who is five days older than me, just for the record – saw that with me and started crying when she turned into butterflies. So it must be incredibly depressing. Whatevs.** I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not. **Yes, you are.**

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' **I thought they were writing songs? Oh well, I guess they wrote "Helena," therefore making it not a cover. Or maybe she's just inconsistent and stupid. **and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears. **Fail!**

"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice.

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into tears. **Did y'all hear that? That was the F-bomb, and it just got DROPPED, bitches!**  
>Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall. <strong>BWAHAHAHAHA! My panda cubmoustache buddy/boyfriend who's a girl did that once. And it was awesome.**

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?) **Yeah. It really is.**

I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying. **Where'd Draky's pride go?**

We practiced for one more hour. **She reeeeeeeeeally cares about her boyfriend.** Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache. **MEGA FAIL.**

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering **"Basically?" That's not swearing AT ALL!** and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) **I guess I will.** "Ebony Draco **Wait, what? Who's Ebony Draco?** has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists." "**I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too****and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) or a steak)." That makes Dumbles' statement illogical and I now want to kill you for making me actually think that makes any sense.**

Okay, folks. That's all for now. I have to go get ready for my math regents, which is in three hours and twenty minutes. See ya!


	11. The Weakest LinkChapter

So, this is the part where I finally remember all the awesome comments people gave me and say thaaaaaaaaaanks! ^-^ You guys make me feel happy on the inside _and_ on the outside.

Chapter 11.

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! **BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh noez! The preps! They're on fire!** c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 **I will!111oneoneone** it delz wit rly sris issus!** Like what? Like losing your goffik black lipstick or your goffik blood red black low cut floor length dress "sris," or something actually serious and life threatening, like getting raped or getting AIDs?** sp c 4 urself **Okay, fine! Goooood…** if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me!

***sobsobsob* I miss my Z.**

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! **Me too, but at how you massacre the human language! **B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off **She's so nice to her friends! **and I ran to my room crying myself. **Did somebody have an accident? Was it you, Ebony? It was you!** Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way. **Dumbledore isn't a perv, he can't look like a perv, he will NEVER look like a perv. You know why? BECAUSE HE'S ONE OF THE GREATEST WIZARDS OF ALL TIME.**

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood **Really, Ebony should go see a doctor about that.** and then I slit both of my wrists. **Ughhhh. I am so done with dealing with all these angsty, "my life sucks" cutters. Cutters, please get some help. It gets reeeeeeeeeally annoying.** They **What's "they"?** got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak **So she keeps steak AND blood with her at all times? Wow. She's either a butcher or some form of weird kitchen. **and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. I was so fucking depressed! **It's called being a teenager! **I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. **Is there a beach near Hogwarts?** I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. **It might just be me, but I think she only had FOUR piercings last time she mentioned her earrings. **I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! **I LOVE chewing to sand-covered dresses! Sand seriously turns me on!...I'm so kidding. **They were sitting on their broomsticks.

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! **Okay, wearing a black, low-cut dress is considered nudity. Got it.** ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. **So dignified.** Suddenly Vampire ran in.

"Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. **BWAHAHAHAHAHA!** I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" **Epic "no" time! !** he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly…

Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk. **What the fuck?**

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!" **WHAT THE FUCK?**

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!" **WHAT THE FUCK?**

"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors."

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly. **WIN.**  
>Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. <strong>WIN.<strong> "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!" **PRON WIN.**

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood. **I don't know that feeling at all.**

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook. **Ewwwwwwwwwww food germs. Wait, why am I "ew"ing? Use hand sanitizer and move on.**

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. **Oh god. Hehehe, originally, I wrote "gof" instead of "god." This can only mean one thing: Tara Gilesbie has Imperioed me. Fuck. **I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint. **…..Wait, what?**

"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. **.**

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan. **Wow. Sevvy can't be afraid of Hagrid. Sevvy is scary and Death Eatery. He's not afraid of anything. **

"Because I LOVE HER!" **Fuck you, Tara.**

Okay, I understand that was the lamest commentary I ever did ever, but you know what? I'm tired. I partied until midnight last night and took a huge math test today, so I have a right to be tired. Plus, Tara's controlling me. If you don't like my excuse, you're probably a prep, so FUK OF!111…Fuck.


	12. Chapter 12

Looking back at that last chapter with lots of sleep, I realize that was pure crap and possibly the worst thing I've ever written, so I'd just like to say that I'm really sorry for wasting five minutes of your life. I'm gonna try harder this time.

Chapter 12.

AN: stop f,aing ok hargrid is a pedo 2 **Didn't you say that he was a student? How can a student be a pedo? **a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat **Can't argue with that.** I wunted 2 adres da ishu! **Look at that, the illiterate troll is trying to "adres sris issus!" I think she's on the road to recovery.** how du u no snap iant kristian **Snap's a cartoon elf who makes and distributes Rice Krispies. I'm not sure he has a religion. **plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok! **WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?**

**I GIVE UP ON THE Z!**

I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Drago had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together. **Seriously? You met and forced yourself upon this guy like three days ago and you're actually willing to die with him? Desperate.**

"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid **Who's HAIRgrid? Is it Hagrid? Okay, so Hagrid is now HAIRgridHargrid/Hargirid/Hargid/Sedric. Will she ever spell anyone's name right?** but it was Vampire. He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!"** Voldemort's nearby!** and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **…So, his eyes turned pink? SOOOO NOT GOFFIK!**

I stopped. "How did u know?" **How did he know what?**

"I saw it! **WHAT DID YOU SEE?** And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!"

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" **Dipshit, you can't get rid of a scar.** I shouted.

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." **Why, Vamp – I MEAN HARRY? Your scar's badass. Chicks dig badass scars. Maybe Draco does, too! **he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! **"Save me from my head!"** then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!" **EWWWWWWW! HARRY'S GOT KINKY WIZARD PORN IN HIS HEAD!**

Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists. **GODDAMMIT! Why couldn't they have just left her to die?** Snap and Loopin and HAHRID **Better add HAHRID to that list. **were there too. They were going to St. Mango's **That sounds both yummy and retarded.** after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz. **…I could just barely understand that with all the angst and idiocy.** Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them. **I think what that really means is "I'm a stupid bitch, so I flicked them off for no apparent reason."**

Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.

"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses. **What the hell is a "v. serious voice?"**

"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, and I don't like fucked up preps like you." I snapped. **At least you admit you snapped. How many times is she gonna drop the F Bomb, or the Be-a-Bitch Bomb?** Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik.

"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses." **Uhhh, I'm pretty sure roses are roses.**

"What, are they goffs too you poser prep?" **…wow. I had no idea roses could be goffs.** I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses. **Seriously? He gave you roses, you fucking bitch! Take them with gratitude and throw them out later! Enjoy the attention while it lasts, cuz beauty on a crusty skank like you will only last a short time. **

"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." **I am SO confused. I think this means "You saved me from having a porno made from me standing around in a dress, as well as being watched by a cartoon elf and an elephant named Loopin."** Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) **Yep! **to it he added silently.

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly.

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." **SHUT THE FUCK UP. ROSES ARE ROSES AND NOTHING ELSE.** He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! . **What the fuck?**

"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." **I want that on a shirt. If anyone wants to make one and send me a link, I would buy it in a second.** I corrected him wisely. **Hey, Ebony? You're a complete idiot, you can't say that you said something wisely.**

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." **What are "vocal cordes?" **Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!" **Dude, that made NO sense. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?**

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. **WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. So the roses were actually black flames that were black. I've seen everything.** Now I knew he wasn't a prep. **It only takes some lyrics, the color black, and fire to convince her that someone isn't a prep.**

"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?" **"Drako" is a misspelling of "Draco." Draco's your boyfriend.**

Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame **That's gotta hurt.** but I could c nothing.

"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. **Stalker…** "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) **HAHA REVIEWRS GEDDIT? IT'S CUZ SHE'S STUPID.** u mst find urslf 1st, k?" **Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.**

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid yelled. dUMBLydore lookd shockd. **Is she calling Dumbledore dumb? Cuz I will fuck her up.** I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back. **Maybe he just took Tylenol like a normal person.**

Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!" **That's what I say whenever I feel like someone's lying to me!**

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a **YOU DON'T NEED TO READ THIS. **black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!) **I've never seen "The Ring" and even I know who she is. You fuck off!** and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss.

"You look kawai, girl." B'loody Mary said sadly. "Fangs (geddit) **Stop with the "Fangs (geddit)" thing. NO ONE GETS IT.** you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset. **Okay, A: If you're sad of course you're upset. B: Why are you sad?** I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. **Blah, blah, blah, angst, angst, angst.** I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time. **Who would want to watch you cry? **I went to some classes. **Wait a second, she's going to classes? I'M SO PROUD! **Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. **…That sounds like both the stupidest and the awesomest class ever. Bet you what's his face teaches it. You know, the student pedo who's actually some guy named Sedric? **He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff. **Poor Puffs. Everyone hates them.**

"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wqually said way. **I'm not even gonna comment on the sexual tension in this chapter.**

We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. **CONTACTS.** Then… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other. **Sluuuuuuut.**

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" **WIN FOR MINNIE! **shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else. **Live porn! Niiiiiice.**

"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. **It was consensual, you idiotic slut! **You know I loved Draco!" **Whoa, wait a second. Draco's not dead yet, right?** I shouted and then I ran away angrily. **Angst, angst, angst.**

Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **Whoa. Déjà vu.**

"NO!" I ran up closer.

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted. **Didn't we already deal with this?**

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!" **More kinky mind porn?**

SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA **Awww, how sweet** WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111 **OMG YU BICH!111111111111111111ONE**

HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I **No idea where your sweater I. I assume that's pronounced "ih."**

I hope this sucked less! ^-^


	13. Chapter 13

**Hola! I'm trying to be less angry. Might not work, but who cares? Enjoy my angerless commentary! :D**

Chapter 13.

AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard **Who the fuck steals somebody's poster? **but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! **Oh, well that makes it okay.**PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG!

Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared. **That is sooo descriptive. I can actually see them running up the stairs. So descriptive.**

"Dumbledore Dumblydore!" we both yelled. Dumbledore came there. **EWWWWW! EW! …I'm such a perv.**

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" **That's so OCC, it's not even funny. Tara, why are you such a fucking retard?**he asked angrily.

"Volsemort has Draco!" **Okay, who's Volsemort? Is he one of the many relatives Tara seems to create of Voldemort? **we shouted at the same time.

He laughed in an evil voice. **…Siriusly? **

"No! Don't! We need to save Draco!" we begged.

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony." **The real Dumbledore cares about the safety of every student. Tara needs to read the books or we need to destroy her computer. **he said while he frowned looking at me. "Besides I never liked him that much anyway." **…okay, anyone remember in the sixth novel when Dumbledore was telling Draco not to kill him? That was to protect Draco. So Tara, go pick up the books. Now. **then he walked away. Vampire started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned. (AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!) **I do, but not when they're transformed into gothic cutter vampire Satanists named Vampire.**

"Its okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. **Does everyone at Hogwarts do that? **Then he had a brainstorm. "I had an idea!" he exclaimed.

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see." he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then… suddenly we were in Voldemprt's lair! **So, A: That's just apparition with an unnecessary wand. B: I'm gonna guess that Voldemprt is another relative of Voldy. C: Voldemprt has a lair? Why doesn't Voldy? Are they going to his lair cuz Voldy's with Voldemprt? So many questions…**

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. "Allah Kedavra!" **Voldy's Muslim?**  
>It was….. Voldemort! <strong>No duh.<strong>


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: So sorry I haven't updated in forever. I got grounded for a while, and then I got super involved with this play I'm doing tomorrow. On top of that, I got emotionally attached to the character I'm playing. All she feels is rage and deep sadness, so I'm constantly angry and pretty depressed. I know I shouldn't have let that affect this, and I'm sorry.  
>I wanna give shout outs to PhiloctetesTheOwl and The Shameless BookWorm.I favorited one of PhiloctetesTheOwl's stories and she, in turn, read and reviewed every chapter. I've read most of her fanfiction, and it's truly amazing. It's highly detailed and great to read. On top of that, she's super nice. The Shameless BookWorm gave me a HUGE review, which was hilarious and awesome. Her works are amazingly descriptive and bittersweet. Huge hugs and platters of cookies to them both!<p>

Chapter 14.

AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! **Okay, geez.** Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists. **Really? I doubt that. Maybe, like me, you just didn't feel like it, but I highly doubt that you were hospitalized for slit wrists.** PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws!** I thought you were a Satanist! Wouldn't you would 10 Satan reviews? Four sentences in and I'm confused.**

WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD. **…did she really just say that?**

We ran to where Volcemort was. **Is Volcemort another one of Voldy's cousins? **It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there. Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. **Perfectly accurate description of Pettigrew. **Draco was there crying tears of blood. **Wait, weren't he and Voldy having kinky wizard sex? **Snaketail **Wormtail. It's Wormtail, you blithering idiot. **was torturing him. **He's just jealous cuz he can't get laid.** Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail.

"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" **Yet another phrase I want printed on a shirt. **he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me **What just happened there?** and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. **Great. More ego feeding.** "." he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok) **Are you kidding me? One paragraph ago he was known as "the fat guy who killed Cedric." Now he wants to hop in bed with you? Hells to the no.**

"Huh?" I asked.  
>"Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?" asked Snaketail. I started laughing crudely. "What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard." <strong>*singing* Duck and cover, bombs are coming down! Put your hands on your head and keep low to the ground. <strong>I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain. **Never ask an angry goff if you can have sex with her after torturing her sex slave. Wait, when does that ever actually happen?**

"Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. **That was…amazing. Sooo descriptive. Blood poured out of his heart like a fountain, then he fell down and died. Amazing. **I brust into tears sadly. **Why is she crying?**

"Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldemort. Then… he started coming! We could hear his high heels **Voldy's a crossdresser? **clacking to us. So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. **Where'd they get their brooms? They friggin Apparated there! **We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying. **Again with the crying? Someone's PMSing.**

"What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. **She's crying and you're trying to have sex with her? Sounds like the actual Draco. HE'S BACK! **He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) **Lol so sexah. I don't get it. **and a really huge you-know-what and everything. **What is that supposed to mean?**

"Its so unfair!" I yielded. **Can that be used to describe speech? I'm gonna say NO. Stay in school!** "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything."

"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts." **So are Ebony and B'loody Mary. **answered Draco.

"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he's in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" ***facepalm* *facepalm, facepalm, facepalm* I give up on the world.** I shouted angrily. (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing **Nooo, of course not! **but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" **Seriously. I want that on a shirt, too. This is why I love/hate "My Immortal."** I shouted and then I ran away.

A/N: Anyway, I'M BACK! Fanfiction for all! :D Kthanxbai


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: In the fourteen days I have until school starts, I'm gonna try to upload as many chapters as I can.

Chapter 15.

AN: stup flaming ok! btw u suk **That hurt my feelings. I'm so sad. I'm gonna slit my wrists, like a certain someone we know.** frum no on evry tim sum1 flams me im gona slit muh ristsz! **Fingers crossed for more "hospitalization!" **fangz 2 raven 4 hlpein! **Your spelling still sucks, so what the hell did she do?**

"Ebony Ebony!" shouted Draco sadly. "No, please, come back!" **No, go away! Go away!**

But I was too mad. **Why are you mad? You're "cursed" with good looks, and you have a horny, naked Draco in front of you. Why are you not taking advantage of this situation?**

"Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Vampire!" **Ooh, I loves me some Drarry!** I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. It had a picture of Marylin Manson **Who?** on it. **That must be a pretty big key. Or normal sized door. I can't tell what you're talking about.** He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire. I started to cry and weep. **Weeping and crying are the same thing.** I took a razor **Jesus Christ, not this again. **and started to slit my wrists. I drank the blood all depressed. **Yummy! **Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class. **She's going to class? I'm so proud! Oh crap. I will not cry, I will not cry.**

I put on **Don't need to read this! **a short ripped black gothic dress that said Anarchy on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt. Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Joel all over them with blood red letters. I put my ebony black hair out. Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual. **I'm depressed and my wrists are bleeding, no big deal.** I did sum advanced Biology work. I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. **…That's not biology. That's transfiguration. **Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco! **…whut?**

"Enoby I love you!" he shouted sadly. "I dnot care what those fucker preps and posers fink. Ur da most beautiful girl in the world. Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time. **That's not the actual Draco, is it? Please tell me that's not our Draky! **Now I just wanna fucking be with you. I fucking love you!." Then…. **Really? More unnecessary punctuation? **he started to sing "Da Chronicles of Life and Death"** Once again, she can spell big words, like "chronicles," but she can't fucking spell "the."** (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it) right in front of the entire class! His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson **That's a rather large cross.** (AN: don't u fink dos guyz r so hot. **I can't deny Mr. Manson's sexiness. **if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!** I only know who Manson is, so can I go now?**) .

"OMFG." I said after he was finished. **WOW. Really? He sang you some random song and all you say is "OMFG." **Some fucking preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Draco's now) at them. **That sounds incredibly hard. I just tried it on myself, and it is. Go on, try it. You know you want to. **"I love you!" I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch) **Then stop mentioning her! Oh my god, it's actually that simple!** and CMM in a Cinderella Story. Then we went away holding hands. Loopin shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether. Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmede right then. **Oh hey, that muggle band I like is performing in the local wizard-only town right now! How convenient. **We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16.

AN: u no wut! sut up ok! proov 2 me ur nut prepz! **And how do you propose we do that? **raven u suk **Whoa, what happened? One chapter ago, you were best friends helping one another with this monstrosity of a fanfiction, and now you hate her? Huh. Carry on.** u fuken bich gimme bak mah fukijn swteet **Is that supposed to be "sweet," like a candy or something? Oh, maybe she means her sweater! **ur supsd 2 rit dis! Raven wtf u bich ur suposd to dodis! BTW fangz 2 britney5655 4 techin muh japnese! **She learned Japanese from someone named Britney? Isn't that *gasp* a PREP NAME?**

We ran happily to Hogsmede. There we saw the stage where GC had played. **No complaints so far, except for the fact that there are no stages in Hogsmeade.** We ran in happly. MCR were there playing 'Helena'. I was so fucking happy! Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection **WAIT, WHAT? *pushes Enoby aside* Me see!** but it didn't matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother. **Yeah, right. **I was wearing **Blah, blah, blah. **a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. Draco was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants. Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched. We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. **I don't like MCR at all, but I'm pretty sure Gerard doesn't wear a mask. **So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was.,…..**Jesus tap dancing Christ, what now?** Volsemort and da Death Dealers! **Who?**

"Wtf Draco im not going to a concert wid u!" **What the hell just happened?** I shouted angrily. "Not after what happened to me last time? Even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them" **You've LICKED MCR? Alright then.**

"What cause we…you know…" he gadgetted **...I'm so confused. This is literally the most confusing thing I've ever read?** uncomfortbli cause guys don't like to talk a bout you-know-what. **Really? Guys don't like to talk about having sex? I beg to differ.**

"Yeah cause we you know!" I yielded in an angry voice.

"We won't do that again." Draco promised. "This time, we're going with an ESCORT." **…we've lost him, again!**

"OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?" I asked. "So I guess ur a prep or a Christina **I've never heard of a clique like that. This is when I ask my friends for help. *texts friends* Okay, they seem to think it's either a group of Hufflepuffs – what the hell are they, anyway? – or a group of Asian teens. Sounds legit.** or what now?"

"NO." he muttered loudly. **That's a contradiction, lassie!**

"R u becoming a prep or what?" I shootd angrily.

"Enoby! I'm not! Pls come with me!" He fell down to his knees and started singing 'Da world is black' by GC to me.

I was flattened **By a car? A train? A rather large rock? **cause that's not even a single, he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me!

"OK then I guess I will have to." I said and then we frenched 4 a while and I went up 2 my room.

B'loody Mary was standing there. "Hajimemashite gurl."she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz 'how do u do' in japanese). **Really? I used Google Translate, and 'hajimemashite' apparently doesn't mean anything. 'How do you do?' translates to ' ****宜しくお願いします。****,' which then translates back to 'Thank you.' I'm confused. **"BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math." (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!) **I actually love this. The biggest "Fuck you" you can give someone is to do it publicly.**

"It serves that fuking bich right." I laughed angrily.

Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. **Of course you were. **We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas. **That's not gothic, that's just an awesome movie. **"Maybe Willow will die too." I said

"Kawai." B'loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. "Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak." **HOLY SHIT. These bitches are crazy. HIDE.**

"Kawai." I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence **Not possible! **for da rest uv da movie.

"OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with drako tonight in Hogsmeade with mcr." I sed. " I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA."

B'Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. "Omfg totally lets go shopping."

"In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde.

"No." My head snaped up.

'WHAT?" my head spuin. I could not believe it. "B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?" **Because if you don't shop at Hot Topic, you're a prep. Right.**

"NOOOO!NOOOO!" She laughed. "I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts that's all."

"Hu told u abut them" I askd sure it would be Drako or Diabolo or Vampire(don't even SAY that nam to me!). **Then don't mention it! **Or me.

"Dumblydore." She sed. "Let me just call our broms."

"OMFFG DUMBLYDORE?" I asked quietly.

"Yah I saw the map for Hogsmeade on his desk." **Then he didn't really tell you. Ya kinda just found out by looking through his things. **She told me. "Come on let's go."

We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE and he gave me a few dresses. "We only have these for da real goffs." **Sure, because these Mary Sues are truly goths. I'd believe it if you said they were retarded, posers, or "goffs," but goths? No.**

"Da real goffs?" Me and B'Loody Mary asked.

"Yah u wouldn't believe how many posers ther are in this town man! Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch." He shook his head. "I dint even no they had a camera."

"OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!" **Wow. Your ego is out of control. **I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit.

"Oh my satan you have to buy that outfit" The salesperson said.

"Yeah it looks totlly hot." said B'Loody Mary.

"You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit. Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?" he asked.

"Yeah I am actually." I looked back at him. "Hey BTW my name's ebondy dark'ness dementia TARA way what's yours?" **Ooh, that's a BIG "Fuck you!"**

"Tom Rid." He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. "maybe I'll see you there tonight."

"Yeah I don't think so cause I am going there with my bf drako you sick perv!" **Umm, maybe he's just trying to make friends?** I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, Hargrid flew in on his black broom looking worried. "OMFG EBONDY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!" **Aww. Hagger's worried. :3**


End file.
